Archive for July, 2007|Monthly archive page

this is such an emo post

i believe that i have been doing this for then past six years.

But, you’re chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
It’s getting away from you again
While you’re chasin’ ghosts

chris carraba’s words pierce me. deep and hard.

back then, i was too immersed with myself that i have forgotten that you were there.

i have flicked you like you were nothing more than ash on the tip of my cigarette.

but you were still there. ready at my every beck and call.

we had our moments. the late december nights. that quiet bus ride to home. the windy afternoons outside your dorm.

the summers we spent eating ice cream. i had raspberry. you had pistachio.

the evenings that i have walked you home.

the afternoons we spent sweating ourselves out. walking. jogging. running.

i wish i had the guts then. but i did not. i was too engrossed with myself.

i guess you got tired of waiting. that you had him.

and i got the hit. it was a homer. it drove real hard.

and i drifted away.

then came the news that he was gone. i tried to get close. i tried.

until now, i am.

but you won’t.

now, i am the one on the other end of the line. always at your every beck and call.

i have taken you hook, line and sinker.

maybe this is karma. and i am at the paying end.

if i had only listened. i was always the one talking. and you always listened. i wish i had heard you.

now, you have that fucking model.

and i am still chasing ghosts.

Chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
It’s getting away, away, away, away from you again
While you’re chasing ghosts

*Ghost of a good thing ~ Dashboard Confessional’s A Mark. A Mission. A Brand. A Scar

much ado about nothing

making the rain bleed

“you made the rain bleed.” ~ Yukishiro Tomoe, Rurouni Kenshin: Tsuiokuhen OAV*

the rains have come again.

yesterday, was a heck of a day. there came the downpour, then sunshine, then another hail-mary of rain. the environment’s so fucked up you can’t tell when it’s going to rain. thank god for global warming. it’s triggering the modern-day deluge. it’s going to bring the new-age old testament flood. maybe it’s time that we have a new noah. wait, there’s already an evan almighty.

back to the rain talk. i’ve always liked the rain. especially when i’m sure that’ll it come. when i was a kid, this time of the year is very much anticipated. back when i was still “supot,” my neighbors at guadalupe bliss, makati used to hang around the monkey bars, letting the raindrops smother us wet.

it was fun, then. we would even lie at the shit-littered parking lot and revel at the beating we will receive from the sky. we won’t go home until were blue in the lips, shivering to death and with palms and feet wringled. my friends and i always looked forward for rain.

then came the phenomenon called acid rain. we stopped going out and gambolling in the rain. we were afraid that we end up with disintegrating faces and melted shoulders and fingers. we just stayed indoors and watched television.

yesterday, when i looked over ortigas and all of its buildings engulfed in the rain, i cant’ help but remember the days that i could still frolick in the rain’s cold embrace.

though it brings back happy and wild memories, the rain also recaptures times that are best forgotten.

like the time we both watched the rain,

we watched the rain until it turned red.

*a quote from one of the best OAV’s i’ve seen. it was dramatic and very moving. and of course. it was raining. Kenshin Himura was still the dreaded Battosai then.

Himura was squaring off with an assassin. Tomoe was drunk and was on her way home. Himura divides his opponent into halves and sprays the passing white plum-scented lady with blood.

flashback

much has happened for the past two weeks.

i’ve been held up, sick and very much okay.

flashback # 1

let’s start up with me and frank being robbed in Katipunan Road.

this happened some two weeks ago and i’ve already made an entry about this but the net got blotched up while i was uploading it. too many gruesome details, i guess.

so this it. my version of the story.

it’s was around 1 a.m. then, paul, lawrence, frank and i have just seen pat, maya, tetel and stox, who has recently arrived from her stint to the States. we’ve just let stox ride a cab. we were walking our way to Aurora Boulevard.

while walking, paul and lawrence were up in front. i was somewhere in the middle of the group and frank was at the rear. in front of the Miescor lot, somebody grabbed frank from behind. i thought it was somebody he knew who was trying to surprise him.

and some surprise it was.

three jologs hip-hopper assholes were nitpicking him. one had an icepick to his jugular. another one, in an oversized green shirt was coming towards me. the other one was a look out.

i said, “tang’na, frank.”

paul and lawrence were running. shet, i couldn’t leave frank behind. and this green asshole is coming at me.

i could’ve run. but i can’t leave frank behind. i could’ve kicked the green jolog hip-hopper’s ass. but the other guy had an ice pick at frank’s neck.

in short, i just froze there on the spot.

everything was in slow motion. i hear them asking for frank’s phone and wallet.

and in front of me was the green jologs hip-hopper.

“akenacelponmo…”

“tang’na, naman boss.”

he flashed me his knife. i saw it glimmer.

he reached my left pant front pocket. he just felt my cigarettes and not my phone. my phone was saved by my box of Phillip Morris.

“akenawalletmo…”

“bigay ko na lang lahat ng pera ko boss.”

“sige.”

shet, i bargained with a holdaper. tang’na, saan ka nakakita nun.

i gave him my last 300 and pocketed my wallet. he tried to ask for more but his buddies were leaving him. i called for frank and ran. he was still in one piece but lacking an old LG phone, his beloved wallet with all his precious and antique UP Form 5s and his ancient UP ID and some P2,000 cash.

we ran and met up with paul, who just hid behind a post. waiting for us. it was comforting that he was still there. lawrence was nowhere. we had a body check and ran.

i wanted to run home. to feel safe. i felt like i was a wuss. i was so chicken i just stood there.

in front of Mini-stop, under the fly-over was a police outpost. we ran there and reported our demise. the police were all alert but nothing happened because their mobile was out of gas. what a bunch of ass. we just had our names on the blotter. a stupid and illiterate police officer jotted our names on the blotter.

while we were interrogated, we were watching Emergency on GMA 7. the episode was all about illegal electric connections. while they were asking for my job, my boss’s face was on the TV screen. such irony.

good thing paul was there. i love paul. i am eternally indebted to him. he did not leave us. he just hid there and waited. he gave us money so that we could at least get home. he gave us a taxi ride to Anonas. we headed straight to Station 9 to report and file our second complaint.

after that, frank and i talked about everything. he said that we were really at the wrong place at the wrong time. it was pay day. even though Katipunan was known to be ‘relatively safe,’ the thugs caught us at a ‘very safe’ place, no people around and dim-lighted. we were really fortunate. shet.

i really felt like a wuss. at least frank tried to fight the assholes. shet. why didn’t i ran after them and kicked their ass. they were just frail squatter kids. i imagined grabbing a chunk of concrete, hurling it and hitting one of them down. once i caught one, i’ll let him bite eskinita and kick him in the back of the head. like what edward norton did in American History X.

i wanted to be bad ass. i was such a wuss.

and as for lawrence. i don’t know if that guy has a conscience. i just wanted to think that he was real loaded and wanted to be safe. but how could some one just fly off without thinking if his friends that he left behind are still alive. but knowing lawrence, even though he was safe at home, his conscience might have bled him dry.

he sent a message the following night, asking sorry for chickening out. well, as frank said. it was either ‘fight or flight.’ but come to think of it, as he was fleeing the scene, he might have come by the police outpost. he could have alerted what had happened to us. and ran away so the police could have at least caught up with us. he could have at least waited for us like paul. he could have tried to call the police once he got home. i really don’t know.

for now, i try to avoid him. i don’t know what might happen.

flashback # 2

i was able to see good friends.

one monday, i saw the kids of UJP. it was fun seeing them again. they’ve all grown up. and all good-looking. it was fun seeing them all surpised to see as i am now, one nice corporate yuppie. not the old dugyot dormer. jam, gladdys, tetel and i had dinner. it was good to feel you still belong to UJaP.

i was again in touch with ate charlie. i tried to convince her of applying to our company, once her boss resigns his post. we’re both in the energy sector, i told her. haha. i’ll be waiting. hehe.

at the Eiga Sai, i saw my old Chinese tea dealer and an old Japanese friend. haha. it was good. and happy.

flashback # 3

for the past week, i got sick. i must’ve got the flu from the public transport, the weather or from somewhere. it was my first time to ask for a leave. the bad thing was people thought i filed for a leave because of a stye. i had the flu and a stye. man, ang nagagawa nga naman ng tsismis.

but at least, i was able to go to serendra. i saw choi there. he’s taking up nursing. man, that guy already a graduate of materials engineering and he’s still riding the nursing wave. man.

flashback # 4

i’ve already finished episode 1-18 of heroes. i’m dying to finish the first season.

at last, i was able to see little miss sunshine, death note the movie and spirited away.

the wonders you could do with a flat screen monitor. haha.

our old monitor was bust. it was burnt out. i had bought a new one from edmund, a very nice guy from the office and it was a real steal at P1,500.

thank you, eddie.

flashback # 5

mom’s here for the week. she’s having the flu. contracted from me. and she’ll be leaving, hopefully next week.

everything going well for us. i wish i could survive the 3 months that she’ll be away.

well, until then.